I’ve been hearing from a lot of climbers lately that they’re not happy with their climbing. They’ve lost the joy they used to experience when they first started and they don’t know how to get it back. They think they “should” be climbing harder grades, with less fear, and more quickly than they currently are. No pressure…
They think they’ve been climbing for long enough that they “should” be at X level of climbing, but just one little thing: X level, it turns out, is 100% arbitrary. For some people, it’s V5, for some it’s 5.11a, 8a or 14a, but in any case this magical number will somehow substantiate their induction into the “real climbers of the world” club.
I know how they feel – my completely arbitrary I’ll-be-a-respectable-climber-when- grade was 5.13d (8b) for a long time, so I get it.
Here’s how this all gets played out in our lives:
- The arbitrary goal is set (or just some nebulous goal of “BE BETTER than you are.”)
- You fail to reach said goal.
- You experience shame and frustration from not reaching the goal.
- You may even envy your friends who have reached the goal.
- Which all leads to wobblers, tears, chucking shoes, you know how it goes…
- Then you hate yourself a little for being such a downer to climb with…
But THEN–here’s the really unfortunate part–there is the shame for feeling bad about any of it.
Thoughts like, ‘This doesn’t matter anyway – it’s just climbing – why do I even care and what is wrong with me that I care? I’m so dramatic!’
So there’s shame on top of shame on top of shoulds.
But there’s even more.
When you’re shaming yourself constantly and feeling envy & dissatisfaction, you don’t even want to GO CLIMBING, much less train anymore. You’re unmotivated, burnt out, and just plain sad that this thing you used to get so much joy from is now a source of anxiety.
But then again, you “should” go climbing, so you do it anyway. And you train afterward to boot. It’s really a vicious cycle. But there is a way out of all of this, and I know because I’m living proof of it.
Like I said, I used to have an arbitrary goal of climbing 5.13d, but I don’t care anymore and it’s not because I’ve thrown my hands in the air and given up.
I don’t care anymore because I know in my core that how hard I climb doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things, and that having climbing as a respite from stressful things (instead of it BEING a stressful thing) is more important to me.
And you know what’s ironic about that mindset shift?
I’m climbing really well and surprising myself with hard-for-me sends, all while having fun in all of my sessions. I’ve let go of my arbitrary goal of sending a certain grade and banging my head against the wall to do it, and now the goal is simply to have fun, learn, and try hard.
The happy side effect of that is sending.
How to Get Your Climbing Joy Back
So how do you inject the joy back into your own climbing? How do you transform the mean, screaming coach who resides in your mind into the supportive, loving cheerleader?
It’s a process and it can take time. But basically, it requires you to
- Acknowledge what is currently your reality
- Validate your emotions around that reality
- Get some perspective,
- Then choose to do something different going forward (or not)
Here’s an example of what that might look like:
Acknowledge Your Reality
Someone is experiencing all the things I just mentioned above. They feel burnt out and “stuck” in their climbing – pretty unhappy with it really. They describe all the thoughts and feelings that are going on around all of it.
They name the emotions: frustration, disappointment, a sense of futility, and mostly a sense that they just aren’t GOOD ENOUGH.
Validate the Emotions
“Yeah, it’s really frustrating to watch my friends and seemingly every climber in the world do better than me, even though I spend so much time, money, and energy on this sport!”
“It’s really disappointing that I haven’t reached the goal yet because it means so much to me. I’m not alone in feeling this way and it’s ok that I do.”
Get Some Perspective
Through objective reflection, they realize, “Oh, I do have this very arbitrary goal that I think will make me a respectable human and my self worth is hinged upon that goal. Wow, that’s kind of silly when I think about it, huh?”
“I would never want that for someone else! I love my friends and think they’re amazing regardless of how hard they climb – it doesn’t seem worth it to feel so bad about myself all the time.”
Choose to Do Something Different (or Not)
“I remember why I love climbing. It’s because I love how it feels to move fluidly like a dancer, try really hard physically while also managing my emotions around fear. It’s a full mind-body challenge and it’s so, so fun to climb with my friends.”
“I do want to reach my potential because I think that’s a worthy use of my time and energy. So I’m going to try to focus less on the grades and more on the process, like what I can learn from my climbing sessions, how I can get better just for the sake of getting better and experiencing the sensations of climbing.”
And on and on – they could choose to try to catch themselves comparing their climbing to others’ climbing and remind themselves of their core reasons for doing this sport.
They could choose to finally confront their fear of falling in a systematic way so that it’s more fun to climb.
Whenever they hear the voice inside their head telling them they’re not good enough, they could remind it that they’re actually doing the best they can in every moment.
And then they would live happily ever after… 😉
Let’s Work on This Together
This stuff is really important to me. I know how all-consuming it can be and I want to help people out of their stuck-ness in climbing.
I’m taking new coaching clients right now to help you do just that. I’ll help guide you through the process I just laid out above, and of course we’ll go deeper and into more detail about all of it in our sessions.
I’ll give you homework to do between our sessions so you can put everything we discuss into action, whether that’s journaling about certain topics, noticing certain behaviors, talking to that voice in your head, doing falling drills in the gym, or whatever else we come up with.
If you want to work with me, I’m looking for dedicated clients who want to really dive into all of this stuff over many sessions, and potentially work on other areas of your life that aren’t fully satisfying.
You can put yourself on my schedule by clicking the link below. I’d love to help you find your joy in climbing again.
Schedule a Session with Me to Get Your Joy Back |
New Group Coaching Program
But ALSO, I’m hosting a new group program called the Joy Project that I’m really excited about! I’ll work with a maximum of 5 climbers for about 2 months in group sessions and one-on-one sessions, taking you through a series of steps to get your joy back in climbing.
If you’re interested in learning more and signing up before February 26th, 2024, click the button below.
Learn about the Joy Project |
About the Author
Neely Quinn is a Certified Professional Coach who works with climbers to help them unlock their potential as athletes and as human beings. She helps people overcome the blocks that are keeping them from performing at the level they desire. And she helps teach people a new way of approaching climbing that involves more joy & ease and less judgment & pressure.
