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I want to be up front and say that this episode uses explicit language and we talk about sexual things. While the content is mostly focused on consent, which I believe is crucial education for people of all ages, I would definitely listen to it first before you let your kids hear it.
Lillian Frances is a rock climber, music producer, and pop star based in Los Angeles, and she’s the author of Finger Banging for Climber Boys, a ~50-page illustrated guide to sexual pleasure, consent, and communication written specifically for the climbing community. It’s a book that is helping to change how climbers talk about bodies, boundaries, and pleasure.
In this episode, Lillian breaks down what’s actually in the book — and it’s a lot more than technique. The first chapter is all about consent, and Lillian makes a compelling case that asking for what you want isn’t a mood-killer: it’s the thing that makes everything better.
She walks through her own practice of:
- stating boundaries at the start of a sexual encounter
- how to respond when someone crosses a line
- and why the way a partner reacts to a “no” matters more than the boundary-crossing itself
The climbing parallels are everywhere.
“Belay on, climb on” is consent. Saying “take” and being ignored is a boundary violation. Getting on the wall with someone you met in a parking lot ten minutes ago carries the same risks as going home with someone you just met — and deserves the same level of communication upfront. Lillian argues that if climbers check each other’s systems and intentions before leaving the ground, we have every reason to do the same before a sexual experience.
We also get into the harder stuff:
- what happens in long-term relationships where these conversations were never had
- why women are conditioned not to know what they want, let alone ask for it
- and how the book can be a “Trojan horse” for couples who need an opening to finally talk about pleasure & boundaries without anyone feeling blamed
Lillian is funny, direct, and refreshingly unashamed, and this conversation reflects that.
If you’ve ever felt like you couldn’t speak up during a sexual experience or a climbing experience, stayed quiet to keep the peace, or simply never learned this stuff, this episode is for you. If you are a person who has trouble asking for consent in sexual or climbing experiences, and you want to learn about it, this is especially for you. If you want to go deeper, get the book. It’s approachable, a little sassy, and actually quite useful 😉
Links:
- Finger Banging for Climber Boys by Lillian Frances
- Climbing with Consent by Karli Johnson
- Finger Banging for Climber Boys instagram @fingerbangingforclimberboys
- Lillian’s Music Instagram (she’s really good!) @lillianfrancess
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